The Journey to Inner Freedom: Understanding the Unconscious Drives That Shape Our Lives

Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in certain situations? Why some relationships feel inexplicably familiar? Why patterns seem to repeat in your life despite your best efforts to change? The answer lies beneath the surface of your conscious awareness, in the realm of unconscious drives and basic life instincts that shape our behaviour in ways we rarely recognise.

This exploration draws from the profound intersection of psychoanalysis and contemplative wisdom traditions, revealing timeless insights about human transformation that transcend cultural boundaries. Whether you're seeking personal growth, struggling with recurring patterns, or simply curious about the hidden forces that shape human behaviour, this journey into the unconscious mind offers both understanding and a pathway to greater freedom.

The Hidden World Within

Each of us lives in our own inner world—a unique psychological landscape shaped by early experiences, unconscious conflicts, and deep-seated fears. This inner world isn't just abstract philosophy; it's the lens through which we perceive reality, the foundation from which we relate to others, and the source of both our limitations and our potential.

The psyche, as we've come to understand it, isn't a fixed entity but rather an expression of our relationship to both our inner and outer worlds. It's dynamic, constantly shifting, and deeply influenced by patterns we're often completely unaware of. Understanding this inner landscape is the first step toward genuine transformation.

When Something Isn't Present

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who seemed physically present but mentally elsewhere? Or perhaps you've caught yourself in the same state—sitting across from someone but preoccupied with unconscious worries, desires, or conflicts. This absence-in-presence reveals something crucial: unconscious material is constantly competing for our attention, preventing us from seeing clearly what's actually in front of us.

The Five Obstacles to Change

Both psychoanalytic theory and yogic wisdom identify similar barriers to growth and transformation. These aren't random impediments—they're systematic forces that resist change and keep us locked in familiar patterns. Understanding these five obstacles (known in yoga as the

kleshas) is essential for anyone seeking meaningful personal development:

1. Misapprehension (Avidya) – Wrong understanding of ourselves and reality. We see the world not as it is, but through the distorted lens of our desires, fears, and assumptions.

2. Egotism (Asmita) – Self-centeredness and false identity. We become so identified with our roles, possessions, or achievements that we lose touch with our authentic self.

3. Excessive Attachment (Raga) – Temptation and addiction to what we find pleasurable. We cling to experiences, people, or substances, unable to let go even when they no longer serve us.

4. Unreasonable Dislike (Dvesha) – Hatred and rejection of what disturbs us. We push away experiences or insights that challenge our worldview, limiting our capacity for growth.

5. Fear (Abhinivesha) – Especially fear of death and insecurity. This fundamental anxiety colours our choices and keeps us in patterns that feel safe but limiting.

If we seek genuine change, we must contend with these countering forces. This work is best undertaken not in isolation, but within a stable relationship with a guide—whether a teacher, therapist, or trusted mentor.

The Power of Relationship in Transformation

One of the most striking insights emerging from both psychoanalytic practice and contemplative traditions is this:transformation happens through relationships. Not just any relationships, but deep, sustained connections with someone who possesses greater inner resources and clarity than we currently have.

This isn't about dependency—it's about creating the conditions necessary for genuine growth. Research examining psychoanalytic treatment across cultures has consistently shown that the length and intensity of the therapeutic relationship directly influences both the depth and stability of change. This pattern holds true whether we're talking about Eastern contemplative traditions or Western therapeutic approaches, suggesting we're dealing with timeless, transcultural wisdom.

The Essential Ingredients

True transformation requires three combined factors:

A guiding relationship – Connection with someone who can mirror your patterns, provide continuity through your changes, and model the qualities you're developing.

Time – There are no shortcuts to genuine transformation. The psyche reveals itself gradually, requiring patience and persistence.

Effort – Your own active participation and willingness to engage with difficult material. The guide can't do the work for you.

Building Trust: The Foundation of Inner Security

In the first three years of life, we develop what psychoanalysis calls basic trust—a fundamental sense of security based on our early relationships, particularly with our primary caregiver. This becomes our internal foundation, what we call a 'positive internal object.' It's like an inner anchor that provides stability when life becomes turbulent.

People who established this positive internal object early in life tend to be more resilient, confident, and less easily destabilised by challenges. Those whose early experiences were inconsistent or negative may struggle with a persistent sense of insecurity that colours all their relationships.

The good news? Through sustained therapeutic work or deep relational experiences, it's possible to develop this internal security later in life. The therapeutic relationship itself can become a new foundation—a corrective emotional experience that allows you to internalise stability and trust.

The Mirror of Transference

One of the most powerful phenomena in deep relational work is transference—the way we unconsciously project our inner images onto others, especially authority figures or guides. In therapy, you might see your therapist as your father, your mother, an ideal version of yourself, or even as a threat.

These projections aren't random—they're windows into your inner world. By carefully examining how you relate to your therapist or teacher, you gain insights into your fundamental patterns: how you form attachments, where you learned to defend yourself, what you're secretly hoping for in relationships.

The therapeutic relationship becomes like a laboratory where these patterns can be observed, discussed, and gradually transformed. It's as if you're watching a play of your inner world enacted in real-time, with the opportunity to understand and rewrite the script.

This process requires a therapist or guide who can remain stable through your changing states—present whether you're friendly or hostile, clear or confused, loving or hateful. This consistency itself becomes healing, showing you that relationships can provide safety and continuity even through turbulent emotions.

From Unconscious to Conscious: The Path of Awareness

The goal isn't to eliminate the unconscious—that would be impossible. Rather, it's to expand consciousness, bringing more of what was hidden into the light of awareness. This happens through a specific process.

We access the unconscious through the preconscious—material that isn't currently in awareness but can be brought into consciousness with attention. By carefully exploring feelings, memories, and reactions in a safe relational space, we gradually uncover the unconscious patterns influencing our behaviour.

Language becomes crucial here. By finding words for your experiences, you extend the field of consciousness. What was wordless and overwhelming becomes something you can reflect on, understand, and eventually transform. This is why verbal exchange, storytelling, and reflection are so central to the therapeutic process.

The Practice of Total Attention

How do you truly help someone grow? The answer is surprisingly simple yet profoundly difficult: through total attention.

Not attention to who they were yesterday or who you imagine them to be, but attention to the person in front of you right now. This requires setting aside your assumptions, theories, and memories. It means approaching each encounter afresh, as if you're meeting the person for the first time.

This practice of fresh attention has several benefits:

• It honours the reality that people are constantly transforming

• It reduces projection and distortion from your own assumptions

• It creates safety—when someone feels truly seen, fear and insecurity diminish

• It allows for genuine connection rather than interaction based on outdated mental models

The Four Steps Toward Wisdom

Whether in psychoanalytic treatment or contemplative practice, the journey toward wisdom follows a clear progression:

Step 1: Recognition – Acknowledging that you're in trouble, that something isn't working. This requires honesty and humility.

Step 2: Understanding Causation – Accepting that your trouble has identifiable causes, often rooted in unconscious patterns and early experiences.

Step 3: Commitment to Change – Recognising that you must emerge from the troubled situation and that this requires sustained effort.

Step 4: Consistent Application – Deciding to apply effort consistently, regardless of obstacles or setbacks.

Notice that wisdom isn't just insight—it requires action. You must disconnect from unfavourable patterns before you can connect to something more positive.

The Complexity of the Therapeutic Space

The work of transformation is remarkably complex. Not only do you bring your own unconscious material into the therapeutic space, but the therapist or guide must also navigate their own unconscious responses.

A skilled therapist learns to use their own feelings as diagnostic tools. If they suddenly feel compelled to act like a parent, give advice, or rescue you, they examine this impulse:

What role am I being pulled into? What part of this person's inner world does this represent?

This requires tremendous self-awareness and ongoing personal work. A guide cannot take you further than they themselves have travelled. This is why genuine transformation requires what we might call a 'necessary asymmetry'—the guide must embody qualities you're aspiring to develop.

However, negative feelings and resistance also have their place. Learning to work skillfully with anger, frustration, and disappointment within the therapeutic relationship builds capacity to handle these emotions in all relationships.

The Goal: Love and Work

What's the ultimate aim of all this inner work? Psychoanalysis offers a deceptively simple answer: to become able to love and work.

This means:

• The capacity to form genuine, non-neurotic relationships

• The ability to engage productively with the world

• Freedom from debilitating symptoms and inner conflicts

• A reduction of suffering to what might be called 'normal levels'

• The development of previously inhibited aspects of your psyche

It's not about achieving perfection or eliminating all difficulty. It's about developing the inner resources to navigate life's challenges with greater freedom, clarity, and authentic connection.

The Dance of Connection and Independence

There's a paradox at the heart of transformation work: change requires deep connection with a guide, yet the ultimate goal is freedom and independence. How do we navigate this? By recognising that healthy dependence in the service of growth is different from neurotic dependency.

You're not trying to remain attached to your therapist or teacher forever. Rather, you're learning to perform inner reflection independently—to become your own internal guide. The therapeutic relationship provides a temporary scaffolding. Through internalising the care, attention, and reflective capacity of your guide, you develop these qualities within yourself. Eventually, you can maintain this kind of dialogue with yourself, no longer needing the external relationship in the same way.

This is true freedom—not independence from all connection, but the capacity to engage in relationships without losing yourself.

Resistance and the Negative Therapeutic Reaction

Not all of you wants to change. There's often a part that actively resists growth, even sabotages progress. This isn't weakness or failure—it's a predictable aspect of the therapeutic journey.

Sometimes, just as you're making progress, you might feel worse or regress. This 'negative therapeutic reaction' can happen when:

• Unconscious guilt makes you feel you don't deserve to feel better

• Growth threatens your familiar identity, even if that identity is painful

• Fear emerges about what life will look like if you change

• Deep-seated beliefs about yourself are being challenged

Understanding this resistance, bringing it into awareness, and working through it is part of the therapeutic process. The resistance itself becomes material for exploration rather than an obstacle to overcome.

The Importance of Seeing From Multiple Angles

Truth rarely reveals itself from a single perspective. Even when we're attentive, our initial perception can be distorted by memory, imagination, assumptions, and unconscious needs.

This is why both contemplative practice and psychoanalysis emphasize approaching experience from multiple angles:

• Never assume you already know—approach each situation fresh

• Verify your understanding by checking from different vantage points

• Allow memory to be corrected through new experience

• Maintain beginner's mind even when you think you understand

• Be willing to see what contradicts your current view

This circular process of observation, verification, and revision allows genuine growth within your understanding. What you thought was true reveals new dimensions, and distortions gradually correct themselves.

Your Journey Forward

Understanding the unconscious drives that shape your behaviour is just the beginning. The real work lies in the patient, persistent process of bringing what's hidden into awareness, working through resistance, and gradually developing the inner resources to live with greater freedom.

This journey isn't one you need to take alone. Whether through therapy, contemplative practice, or other forms of deep relational work, transformation is most powerful when it unfolds within a safe, sustained connection with a skilled guide.

Remember:

• Your unconscious patterns developed for good reasons—they were survival strategies at one point

• Change requires the combined elements of relationship, time, and effort

• Resistance is normal and can be worked with rather than against

• The insights you make for yourself are the most valuable

• Transformation is individual—there's no standard template

• The goal isn't perfection but the ability to love and work authentically

The unconscious may seem like a hidden, mysterious realm, but it's ultimately your own inner world—waiting to be understood, integrated, and transformed. With patience, courage, and the right support, you can develop greater consciousness, reduce inner tension, and experience more genuine freedom in how you live and relate.

The journey to inner freedom isn't easy or quick. But as countless individuals across cultures and centuries have discovered, it's profoundly worthwhile. Your true self—beyond the unconscious patterns and defensive strategies—is waiting to emerge.

Dr Kiaos is a researcher and practitioner working at the intersection of organisational culture and mental health. She is the founder of Mind Culture Life Australia, supporting leaders and People and Culture teams to understand how work really gets done during change.