Men at Work, Grief, and the Cost of Silence

Workplaces across Australia are struggling with rising psychological injury claims, declining return-to-work outcomes, and increasing pressure on workers’ compensation systems. Much of the public discussion focuses on numbers — cost blowouts, claim duration and scheme sustainability. But when we look more closely, a quieter story emerges. It is a story about men at work, how grief and psychological distress show up in masculine-coded environments, and how organisational responses often make things worse.

As a researcher working at the intersection of men’s mental health, grief, culture and work, I want to name what the data rarely says directly: men are not only harmed by work — they are harmed by the way workplaces expect them to endure harm silently.

When men grieve at work, it doesn’t look the way we expect

In my recent research on perceptions of men living with grief, participants consistently struggled to understand or respond to a grieving man whose behaviour no longer aligned with traditional masculine norms.

The fictional man in the study — a senior, competent, previously “stoic” professional — became withdrawn, irritable, forgetful, and less productive after his wife died. These changes were quickly read not as grief, but as:

• incompetence

• weakness

• threat

• or failure to “pull his weight”

This matters deeply for workplaces. Because this is exactly how psychological injury often presents in men at work — not as visible vulnerability, but as disruption to expected masculine performance.

Hegemonic masculinity doesn’t just shape men — it shapes workplace responses

Many men are socialised to:

• suppress emotion

• keep working through pain

• avoid asking for help

• maintain control and authority at all costs

When they can no longer do this — due to grief, trauma, burnout, or cumulative stress — workplaces often respond by enforcing the very norms that contributed to the harm in the first place.

My research shows that colleagues and managers frequently:

• avoid grieving men because they feel “uncomfortable”

• minimise or normalise distress (“he’ll be right”)

• tolerate anger but not sadness

• withdraw support if recovery takes “too long”

In other words, men are punished socially and organisationally for no longer performing masculinity correctly.

Why this shows up in workers’ compensation data

Workers’ compensation systems consistently show that:

• psychological injury claims are a minority of claims

• but they last longer, cost more, and have poorer return-to-work outcomes

• men in public-facing, high-responsibility roles are well represented by the data

What the data doesn’t capture well is this: by the time many men lodge a claim, they have already endured months or years of unsupported distress.

At work, grief and psychological harm often go unnamed. Instead, they are reframed as:

• performance issues

• attitude problems

• leadership deficits

By the time support appears, the relationship with the workplace is already damaged — sometimes beyond repair.

Workplaces are often part of the injury

One of the most consistent findings across men’s mental health research is that the response to distress matters as much as the distress itself.

In workplace contexts, men experiencing grief or psychological strain often report:

• feeling watched, judged, or avoided

• fear of career damage if they disclose

• pressure to “get back to normal” quickly

• loss of identity, status, and belonging

My research highlights that when men feel their masculine identity is under threat, they are more likely to withdraw further, suppress emotion, and disengage — exactly the conditions that worsen psychological injury.

What leaders and HR need to understand — now

If you are a leader, executive, or HR professional, this is not just an individual issue. It is a structural workplace issue.

1. Men’s distress is often misread

Irritability, withdrawal, reduced concentration, and anger are frequently grief responses — not misconduct.

2. Silence is not resilience

Men who “push through” are often deteriorating quietly. By the time performance drops, the injury is already advanced.

3. Workplaces enforce masculine norms — whether they mean to or not

Promotion, tolerance, and belonging are often contingent on men maintaining emotional control, authority, and productivity — even during loss.

4. The cost shows up later

When early support is absent, organisations pay later through long claims, failed return-to-work attempts, and permanent disengagement.

A different approach: supporting men without asking them to stop being men

Supporting men at work does not mean forcing emotional disclosure or vulnerability on demand. My research shows that what helps most is:

• Consistency over intensity — staying present even when men don’t talk

• Non-judgemental interpretation — asking what’s going on before deciding what’s wrong

• Relational return-to-work — not just functional capacity, but trust and safety

• Permission to grieve without penalty — especially when grief lasts longer than expected

Men do not need to be “fixed”. They need workplaces that do not abandon them when their inner world changes.

A call to action

The data from workers’ compensation schemes is already telling us something important.

Men at work are struggling — not because they are weak, but because workplaces are still built around narrow ideas of strength.

If organisations want better outcomes — human and financial — they must:

• recognise grief and psychological injury as real workplace issues

• challenge masculine norms that equate worth with endurance

• equip leaders to respond with skill, not discomfort

• and stop confusing silence with coping

Because when men cannot “share their troubles” safely at work, the cost is not just personal — it becomes systemic.

Dr Kiaos is a researcher and practitioner working at the intersection of organisational culture, change and mental health. She is the founder of Mind Culture Life Australia, supporting leaders and People and Culture teams to understand how work really gets done during change.

References

Kiaos, T. A. (2024). Share his troubles: perceptions of men living with grief. Journal of Men's Health, 20(8), 97-108. http://DOI:10.22514/jomh.2024.135